Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
