that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
