lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
