everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
