We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My vagina just recognized that song.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
