this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
