I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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