so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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