You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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