why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
