I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
no you cant smoke seaweed
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
