You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
