You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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