I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
