ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
