my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
