Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
