My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
