You work out of a Hotel?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I want a musical about memes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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