So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
