I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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