its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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