Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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