if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
