I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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