i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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