I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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