He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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