how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
