what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
