The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
