you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
