he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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