And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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