im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
