I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I need a hoe opinion
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