So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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