wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
