She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
