She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
