Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
