Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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