I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
