His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
