I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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