is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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