I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
