This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
