Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
