don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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