You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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