i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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