I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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