I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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