theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
