you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
