Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
